Stop Trying so Hard
Desperation is a foul and pungent, yet ethereal stench. We can all smell it. And it wreaks. Do I smell the next Goop candle sensation?!
It’s funny how when we find ourselves in times of change or when there’s a disruption in our typical pattern of living, we get disconnected from ourselves and start acting out in weird, subconscious ways that often repel all good things from happening.
There’s beauty in being effortless. Ok, even writing this, I sound like a desperate asshole.
Growing up, I taught myself to set my bar low. I learned not to care about doing well in anything, because if I so happened to do anything right or get positive feedback, it was always a pleasant surprise rather than failing to meet a certain expectation. At the time, it was absolutely a coping mechanism brought to you by low self esteem, but little did I know, I was being Buddhist as fuck.
*NOTE: Please understand that I’m making a stupid joke and not intending to harm the Buddhist community. I’m sure I sound ignorant, but if you’re feeling triggered, please seek professional counseling.
In Yoga, we strive to live life according to the Yamas & Niyamas. Deborah Adele (I call her Deb), explains them beautifully in her book The Yamas & Niyamas: Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice,
“These 10 guidelines sit as both a vision of the possibilities of human existence, as well as providing the practical guidance to make skillful moment to moment choices in our daily lives. ”
If you’re pissed that it’s been a week into the new year and you’re still the same miserable person, first, you should have read my hot take on how New Year’s resolutions are bullshit, and then you should go buy The Yamas and Niyamas by Deb.
This set of guidelines act as a moral compass, enabling you to LIVE your life with presence. Each principle builds upon the other leading to the 10th “jewel” (as Deb calls them). The 10th jewel is the pinnacle, and if we can master it, then we have mastered them all. The 10th jewel is: Surrender.
“Rather than paddling upstream, surrender is an invitation to go with the underlying current, enjoy the ride, and take in the view. ”
We must learn to surrender by releasing our fears and moving with life’s current. To surrender doesn’t mean to give up, rather, surrender with presence so we can be delighted by life’s surprises that are guaranteed to come.
So, stop trying so hard. When you try too hard, you start to stink. You smell desperate. Trying too hard often comes as a result of losing touch with yourself and your authenticity.
You may have let fear linger into your thoughts and convince you that you’re better off being someone else. The funny thing is, our bodies what us to succeed. It’s often our minds that get in the way.
To come home to yourself, replace fear with trust. Trust yourself, trust your body, trust the process. Surrender.
